Flowers Flowers are a wonderful gift, but too many arrangements received at one time can lessen the impact you want the flowers to have to have. A great idea would be to send flowers after six weeks, three months, six months, the first anniversary of their loss or on their loved one's date of birth/loss. Doing something like this would be a great way to let the family know that you are still thinking of them and remembering their loved one, too. Meals Instead of flowers, why don't you consider taking the family some food! All bereaved families are hungry well after the first offers of meals have passed. When taking food, try to remember to keep it simple. Take food that can be easily digested is nutritious and easy to reheat. Easy meals like lasagna or a big crock-pot of spaghetti with a salad are perfect. If there will be a funeral, this would be a good time to offer to provide sandwiches and cold cuts, for the gathering of family and friends. Remember to keep the food simple, and don't forget to send something that the little ones can eat, such as peanut butter and jelly. Perhaps, you may want to call before preparing the trays and ask about any favorites or allergies the children may have. Gift Ideas Consider giving them a lasting gift in honor of the treasured life such as a memory keepsake, a card, a plant (camellias, azaleas), a tree, a rose bush or some beautiful bulbs that come up each year in remembrance of the life and of your thoughtfulness and love. If you are able, consider giving the your friend a love gift of money for anything their family might need. Perhaps, the family would appreciate a check toward funeral expenses that are a tremendous burden to some. Holiday or Birthday Ideas If you are wondering about a Christmas or birthday gift for your grieving friend, here are some suggestions. You could give them a piece of jewelry in honor of the life, a memory keepsake, a book about coping with grief, meaningful poetry, or an ornament in honor of their loved one would all make treasured gifts and would be greatly appreciated. If you have a few good photos of the person who has died, offer them to your friend. A nice idea is to arrange them in a frame and attached a hand written love note. Most people grieving are hungry for any reminders of their loved one and the fact that others remember too. Help with Shopping, Errands, and Yard Work Offer to help with the shopping! Your friend may have no idea what their household pantry needs are, and shopping among happy families and playful children can be so painful. You could help them by checking what food is in the house and buying whatever is necessary and easy to prepare. Often, something as simple as helping out with the housekeeping or mowing the lawn may be needed. If you feel able, some help with business affairs would be great: make a run to the bank, contact insurance companies and financial institutions. If applicable, you could offer to visit the school or workplace and collect their loved ones possessions. This is a task that many will find desperately difficult to handle. Don't Ask Lots of Questions, BUT DO SAY SOMETHING !! Please don't questions about the details of the loss or the circumstances surrounding the death. If they want to share such personal information with you, they will do it on their own time. It is okay to leave an open door for them to talk by saying things like, "I would love to listen to you whenever you want to talk," or "I have been touched by your loss (or by your baby's brief, yet significant life -as in the case of miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death) and want to know how I can best be a support to you during this time." "Please, allow yourself to grieve. This tells me that you deeply treasured the life of your ____." "During this time, I want you to know that I am here for you." Visiting the Family Although most callers are welcome, your friend(s) will also need some time alone. Remember to make your visits brief. You do not want them to feel as though they must be host and hostess. If you are going to visit a newly bereaved friend, you should call first. This applies to members of the clergy, too. Emotions during times of grief are quite unpredictable and you will want to respect the fact that sometimes your friend(s) will want to be alone. Inviting the Family Over or Out You do not want your friend to feel as though they are expected to be back to 'normal' too soon. If you are inviting them (under six months) to your home, structure the evening around their needs, quietness, a simple meal, gentle care, love, listening. Maybe you could invite the friend to a golf game, or suggest a picnic, or take them to lunch and bring a single rosebud in honor of their loved ones life. Don't be hurt if they do not accept your invitations. They still need to know that they are welcome and wanted even though they are grieving. Be a Faithful and Encouraging Friend Keep the help and support going! Don't get tired and stop after a few weeks. If you really care, show it over the many months and years that follow - send a card, or call and listen. Keep letting them know they are in your thoughts and prayers. Make sure that you have encouraging words for your friend. Remember that they are in the pits of grief and sorrow. Sharing words of love that help to rebuild their confidence and self-esteem gives them strength to begin the healing process. They will need to be with people who aren't frightened of them when they cry, shout or express deep emotion. Accept it all as normal - but be sensitive, caring and accepting as you do so. Hopefully, you will find these ideas helpful, when you feel so deeply and just don't know what to do. Help is needed and will be forever appreciated in the months and years ahead. Adapted for Angels in Heaven Ministries, original Author Unknown |
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