Grief is not understood in our society and mourners are expected to recover quickly. Be gentle with yourself during the many ups and downs. The experience is unique to each person; yet, there is much you will have in common with others. Guard against putting expectations on your partner and others. Tears are healthy and acceptable as you process the pain following the death of your child, sibling or grandchild. Cry freely and do not apologize for the tears. Grief affects your eating and sleeping habits, your energy level and ability to concentrate. A balanced diet, adequate fluids, moderate physical exercise and rest are especially important during the mourning period. Have a check-up if you have physical symptoms. Alcohol and sedatives can cloud thinking and slow down the bereavement process. Use prescribed medications sparingly and only under supervision. Friends and relatives may avoid you and talking of the death of your child. Let them know you need to talk about the baby and that it helps to talk. Share with them as you can. Search for listening friends and others who have had a similar experience to help you through this time. Delay major decisions at least a year; changing jobs or home, another pregnancy, etc. Keep the baby's clothes and other preparations until you are ready to decide what you want to do. Time is needed in making a good decision about these things. Your joy in life will return, and your pain does lessen, in time. Talk over your feelings, as they surface, with a trusted friend. Take time for your needs. Anger is a common and normal response. Your anger may be directed toward God. You may feel that your faith has weakened as you question past strong beliefs. Tell God how you feel and talk to those who can help you explore. Your faith can help you through this time; yet, expressing doubts and feelings can help in processing what you are experiencing. Include the other children in your grief. Do not hide your tears from them, but be open and honest about your own feelings. They too, are grieving and need an avenue to express their feelings. Holiday and anniversary times are reminders of your empty arms. Plan ahead to avoid some of the added stress. Mutual help groups put you in touch with others having a similar experience and, by sharing, deeper feelings will surface can then be processed in an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance. Know that you are not alone. There are others who understand and care. Adapted by Sister Jane Marie Lamb, SHARE, National Office, October 1996 |
|||